As humans, we do a lot of mistakes throughout the life. But, a children perceive parents as something beyond humans. In their early stages, the parents are everything they are familiar with. Children look to the parents as caretakers, creators, guardians, and etc. Because of this, the parents’ behavior and actions reflect into children’s psyche. This means that if a parent is angry, yell, or cold whenever he/she speaks to the child when it will do something wrong, the child is going to accept this approach and apply it in the rest of its life.
These 5 Phrases should never be used when speaking to your children:
YOU ARE WORTHLESS!
This phrase is the worst thing you can ever say to a kid. By saying this, you put your child in a position of constant search for approval from the outside world in its later stages of life. You make them believe that they have nothing which is worth inside of them. Instead, you should help them to find out their own interior worth, by saying encouraging things, such as: “No one is perfect! You can do better!“Next time, you’ll do better!”
STOP CRYING IMMEDIATELY!
When children know they did something they would be punished for, they start crying. It’s their immediate emotion although they there isn’t any particular reason to cry. They have a right to express their emotions. And, with this using this phrase, you are just programming your child to suppress its feelings and emotions. Instead, try saying: It’s OK to show how you feel! It’s OK to cry, although that doesn’t make up the thing you did! Explain them why the thing they did is wrong!
I’M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!
Most parents tell this to their children when they themselves already feel bad. It’s pretty much selfish to make the child responsible for your own disappointment. You might be disappointed in a film, or in country’s politics, or in a friend, however, you cannot be disappointed in your own child, because you are the one who should lead them on the right way. Therefore, the next time they do something wrong, all you need to do is to guide them back by teaching them what was wrong in the thing they did. Instead of this phrase, tell them: ‘In my opinion, what you did is wrong and for that reason, I think you made an honest mistake. But, I know you can do better!”
‘YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH!
When saying this phrase to your children, you show them a restricted image of themselves. You are telling them that they lack something in themselves in order for them to become something they want to be or to do what they love to do. You are programming their mindset that being themselves, they are not enough. On the contrary, they always are. Even when it’s a seed, a tree is enough to be a tree! But, it has to grow so can it become what it is. Instead, try saying to your child: “You are enough to do what you love or to become what you want, but all of us sometimes need to practice or train before, so can grow that way.”
BIG GIRLS/BOYS DON’T GET SCARED!
Stop lying to your kid! With this saying, you show your kid that you are even more frightened than they are. In addition, with this saying, you force them to refuse what they honestly feel. To feel fear sometimes is not a bad thing at all! It’s just a mental reaction for being careful. Don’t run away from it! Instead, face it and learn from it. To be fearless is not a real courage! A real courage is to face your fear although you’re petrified! Instead of this phrase, say: It’s OK to be terrified! All of us sometimes are. But, I am sure that you are brave enough to do the right thing even though you are scared. Because, you are my little superhero!”